From A Friend & Teammate

by Brian Palm

We all have memories & stories about Tom, and I feel very honored to be able to share some personal thoughts about him with you now.

I first met Tommy McGowan many, many years ago, when we both at the awkward stage in our lives when we were boys turning into young men. Our introduction was brief, and it sounded like this:

“SMACK!”

I’m pretty sure that it was accompanied by a sound like “Cuckoo…cuckoo”, but I could just be imagining that.

Anyway, when I regained my composure, as I’m sure I’ll have to do during this remembrance, I immediately determined that Tommy McGowan was definitely someone that I would have to keep a very, very close eye on in the future.

And that’s just what I did, I kept a close eye on Tommy McGowan indeed. Unbeknownst to me, he was also keeping a close watch on me as well.

Now, at this time, (I was about 15 years old or so), I was awarded the awesome and somewhat frightening responsibility of being selected as captain of my football team in the West Hartford Boys Footballs League, by two of the most respected football coaches in our town’s history, Don and Ned Brewer.

It was an honor and a privilege which I vowed to live up to, and I determined to do my very best, and to always lead by example. I see some of my fellow teammates from that team here now: Dave Kalfelz, Van Malinosky, Bobby Grauman, Paul Luby, (and I see some of our opponents here as well)…I’ll leave it up to them to say where or not I lived up to my self-imposed obligations as captain. But I can say that with certainty that I learned what it meant to be appointed leader of a team, and I grew to understand the responsibilities and ramifications such a position entails.

As it happened, it was also at this formative time of my life that I met Tom’s friend and teammate: a kid named Marty Moran…(I won’t even pretend that I can remember what the introduction sounded like!)

“Bing Bong! 5th Floor!”

It soon became apparent to me that my newfound role as WHBFL Pony Packers team captain essentially boiled down to my acting as a human torpedo aimed at either Tom McGowan, or Marty Moran, or both. That was it, stop those two or lose every game and face the dreadful consequences, end of of story. If I was leading by example, it was because I was using my head, and I don’t mean that I was doing a lot of thinking…I was pretty much sticking my head in the way and hoping that one or the other of them would trip over it.

Of course, many of us here later went on to play with Tommy, Marty, and Sandy as our captains at Hall on that unbelievable team, and we got to intimately know the leadership traits and sterling qualities which each displayed in abundance. To even being to attempt to describe that team and the bond forged between us at Hall High in 1975 would take a far greater orator than I, so I will leave that task to another man’s shoulders (Marty)

But for me personally, my initial introduction to Tom McGowan made a lasting, lifelong impression on me; the way he said “hello” was truly hard to forget. It was a form of greeting that only a very, very select few human beings on Earth have ever been blessed to receive from Tom, and I proud to have been one of them. (Although I seriously doubt that many other players he met would feel the same way as I do).

If the impact of my first meeting with Tommy McGowan was a surprise, the forty years of close friendship which followed were a revelation. Apart form being the caring, generous, good humored friend and father we all know and loved, Tom as a deep thinking, complex, and spiritually philosophical man. During his frequent visits to Ireland we had great conversations about…(the 1975 team)…AND about art, culture, travel, politics, morality, life, mortality, home, family, community, nationality, responsibility, metaphysics, history, theology…our conversations were natural and easy flowing, but they were also very intense and one had to pay attention carefully or risk being lost. They were often, though not always, of an exceptionally high caliber, if I say so myself, for Tom did not just want to speak superficially or on a surface level. He had a yearning to use his mind and intellect in every conceivable way, and in my experience he made every effort to do so whenever possible.

Tom’s interest in learning and questioning, his thirst for knowledge and understanding continued unabated as our friendship grew stronger over the years. And eventually his visits to Ireland became no just the stuff of legend, but with the introduction of Mary Haggerty, of human flesh and blood, of love and commitment and family and the future. Together with my own beloved wife Mary Stokes, I am exceptionally proud to have played a small part in the genesis of what became the greatest and most profound of all of Tommy’s many accomplishments and achievements, and that of which he was most proud : his beautiful family.

The impact of TOm’s greeting was equalled only by that of his farewell. He is, and will always be, sadly missed by all of us privileged enough to have known him.